Jenny and Her Dating Adventure

This week in class, we talked about dating, falling in love and getting married. I have slim to almost no experience when it comes to this topic. What's a girl, who needs a good grade, to do? Tell a hypothetical story, of course! I will stop along the way and explain a few things I have learned in class this week!

Meet Jenny Baker, a girl from (Insert your favorite town and country here). She loves horse back riding, reading science fiction during thunder storms and long walks on the beach at sunset (This is why I am not a fictional writer... my character just isn't realistic! Please stick with me anyway! ) Jenny is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is going to be attending BYU-Idaho in the fall. Jenny tells herself that she is not going to become one of those 'get married within the first semester girls (They all say that!). She is just going to get some old fashion edumication! (Jenny does have quite the sense of humor if I do say so myself!)

So school starts, and throughout her first year at college, Jenny goes on a few dates with a few different guys, but none of them have really caught her eye completely. Lewis was nice, but he was way to young, a 17 year old genius. Marc was good looking, but he always wanted to move way to fast in the physical direction Jenny didn't feel comfortable with. Kenneth acted like a complete snob, driving around in his convertible, and Jenny always felt out of place when she was with him. Ready for lesson One? No? Too bad! A lot of you are probably thinking that Jenny is kind of snobby herself. When in actuality she isn't. She is just looking for someone who is around her age, shares the same religious beliefs and values as she does, and is around the same socioeconomic class. She doesn't know she is looking for these things. She is just looking for someone she can be comfortable with, someone who she feel she can be herself around. She isn't intentionally saying, "Nope, you're ugly." or "Nope, you're too poor or too rich." Also, she wants to be with the person who is right for her, and if Heavenly Father says, "No way!" it's kind of a no brainier to Jenny if she should continue dating the guy or not!

After about a year and a half, Jenny meets Seth Matthews. Seth is from a town that is about five hours North of where Jenny originates, served his mission in Alberta, Canada, grew up on a ranch, attends the temple weekly, is about a two years older than Jenny, and let's not forget how good looking he is. Seth asks Jenny out every Friday and Saturday night for a whole month and they both are really enjoying each other's company. Whenever they go out, Seth has thought through a plan for the date. He and Jenny are obviously paired off during group dates. Also, he lives within his means, meaning if he can't afford a fancy $60 meal, he plans a fun picnic in the park. Lesson Number Two: What Seth might not realize is by planning, pairing off, and paying for all of these dates, he is showing Jenny that as a potential husband, he could preside over their family, provide for them, and protect them. He doesn't know he is doing it, and Jenny isn't thinking, "Alright, he paid for the movie that means he will be able to put food in our children's mouths." Not only are these good characteristics for a man to have, but it is showing Jenny he would make a good and caring eternal spouse.

Jenny and Seth have now been dating for about four months. During that time, Seth's grandma has passed away, and Jenny's little 14 year old sister has run away from home. They have shared a lot of conversations about what they wanted to do with their lives, how many kids they hope to have one day, their favorite and least favorite things that their parents did as they grew up, and many other personal details about themselves. They even had a few pretty heated arguments. Also during these four months, Jenny and Seth went on a lot of different types dates. All the way from going hiking on 'R' mountain, to to getting frozen yogurt. Lesson Number Three: Jenny and Seth have dated for a while now (At least in Mormon culture!) and they have experienced a lot of different situations with each other. Sadness, anxiety, anger, happiness and so on. They know a lot about each other, important things like what they want to bring from their family, into their possible new one. They have done a lot of different things, instead of just sitting around watching a movie every weekend. They have seen each other in a lot of different situations, emotions and problems. This is good!

After five months, Seth and Jenny start talking about marriage. They pray separately and together about whether or not they are supposed to get married. Eventually they both get the confirmation that it was time to tie the eternal knot. Seth takes Jenny to her favorite ice skating rink and has the owner flash a "Jenny, will you marry me?" sign on the message board. Seth looks at her, she has tears in her eyes, and of course she said yes (Sorry for the cheesy-ness, I am running out of things to say!). The semester ends and the wedding is soon. Jenny is talking to her best friend, who is not LDS, and her friend tells her that she needs to wait to tie herself to a guy for the rest of her life - she is only 20 years old, after all. She and Seth should live together for a few months before taking the plunge. Jenny tells her all of this research that her super smart friend from college, Emily, told her. (Yes Emily is me! However did you know?) Emily has told Jenny that those who live together before marriage are actually more likely to get divorced once they do get married, if they ever end up doing so. When you live with someone without any commitment, that's the first issue - there's no commitment. People can just move out and break up whenever they want to. Also, certain patterns are formed that are hard to break once married that can end up ruining the marriage. Also, trust is a bigger issue. (Like how I slipped Lesson Four in there without you even knowing?!)

Jenny and Seth get married in the temple and start their lives together. (I would tell you the rest of their story, but this post is about dating, and also it is getting kind of long!) But don't think their life was cookie cutter, picture perfect, because as we all know, no one is spared from trials.

The story I just told might be your story. However, it will probably be completely different from how falling in love will turn out for you. I don't know! Only Heavenly Father knows. Just listen to Him and the Holy Ghost when dating someone, because they know a whole lot better than we do!

Also, just because you are married, doesn't mean you should stop dating your spouse! Dating is supposed to be fun! Go have fun with your spouse!!

Happy dating!!                              

Flipped Families

One of my favorite movies of all time is called "Flipped." It is an adorable "coming of age" movie told from the perspective of two 13 year old kids. Bryce Loski and Julie Baker. Bryce just wants to fit in, and having Julie Baker following him around since they were 7 years old, is ruining that hope. Julie thinks about things in a different way, and doesn't mind that she isn't like everyone else. A great scene in this movie, is when Julie and her father are sitting out in her backyard. Julie is watching her dad paint a beautiful landscape and her Dad (I personally think he is pretty awesome for bringing guys up in the first place!) asks Julie, "What is going on with you and Bryce Loski?" but in a definite cool-off-the-cuff manner. Julie, as I expect most 13 year olds would do, tries to play it cool by saying, "What do you mean? Nothing..." Her dad knows better. He tells her she talks about Bryce all the time, and Julie, knowing she has been caught, gets a little embarrassed. Her dad asks her what she likes about him. Julie tell her father that there is something about Bryce's eyes... or maybe it is his smile. Her dad asks her, "But what about him?"

Julie is really confused now.

He goes on to tell her that the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. He uses a metaphor, telling her that in a painting, a cow is just a cow. But then you put that cow in a meadow with flowers and green grass. Then you add a sunset, maybe even a huge tree. And pretty soon, after adding all of these little things, you have a beautiful picture. It took Julie the rest of the movie to fully understand what her dad was trying to tell her - and it took me until this last week in class to understand as well (even though I have seen this movie around 10 times!!).

Boring note: The family is a system. Cool note: There is more than just one system that a family can be. (Well.. it's cool to me...). There is Symbolic Interactions Theory, Conflict Theory, Exchange Theory and Systems Theory. I gave you links to definitions so that if you are interested, you can see a quick explanation without me going into to much detail (yes, there are some Wikipedia sites, but the definitions are quick and basic!). I did this because last week I droned on and on. I am going to try to not do that again!

So what in the world does Emily's favorite movie have to do with Family Systems Theory? Well, lucky reader, let me tell you! This theory has everything to do the idea that families are systems. One is not one, without the other. I know that the saying "the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts" seems pretty simple, but I truly didn't understand what it meant, until my teacher put it into a family perspective. Let me see if I can explain myself:

A man is just a man. Then you give him a woman (the right woman to the right man hopefully). Then you add a baby. Then another. And another, and continue until it is time to stop. (And in my future family we will be adding some dogs, maybe even a cat.) Everyone in this family plays a role. Whether it is titled, goofball, or peacekeeper. There are so many different titles that can go into a family. The husband and wife not only have their own title, but they get to wear the Mom and Dad hat as well (double duty!). My point is, is that everyone in every family has a role, and if they were to play their role on their own, it wouldn't be as beautiful. The goofball wouldn't have anyone to laugh with, and the peacekeeper wouldn't have any arguments to extinguish. The man and woman just wouldn't have anyone to take care of, and give all of their love to. Separately, they are individuals. But together, they become one (if that makes any sense...). You can't be a kid without parents, a brother or sister without a sibling, and you can't be a mom or dad without children. 

This system is a beautiful landscape. It is what Heavenly Father intended. He put us into families because He knows that without them, we would be lost. We are all one part, but when you piece us together we are whole. It is the same for Julie when she looks at Bryce. The same when you look at Joe Shmoe from down the street, the same when you look at me, and the same when you look at yourself. We all have talents and qualities that make us unique and eternally beautiful. Put all of those aspects together, and you have a Child of God. Put a group of Children of God together, and you have a Family of God. A beautiful, eternal, whole. 

I guess the biggest point I am trying to make is that, yes, we are individuals. But, it is as a family that we have the great potential to become more. We can become apart of something eternal. That is why families are so important.

Did I flip your thoughts around?