"Mawwiage"

Last Friday in my 7:45 am parenting class, I walked in and instead of all the desks facing towards the front of the room they were all turned toward the center of the room. As I walked in, I tried to figure out where I could sit that would resemble the desk I usually choose every day (fourth row in, third seat down). I choose a seat on the right side of the classroom, fourth row in, second seat down. I listened to my classmates as they entered the room where a few of them vocalized their confusion. "Where do I sit...?" They would ask themselves. If they didn't vocalize it, their faces sure expressed it. One girl that I sit next to everyday walked in and I kid you not, this is what she said, "Oh my Gosh... where do I go? I am so confused! What do I do? Where do I GO?" I thought that my teacher had a reason for rearranging the seats like this, but he openly admitted to walking into class that morning, seeing the seats and thinking, "Eh, what the heck?" However, I think it caused a little more chaos than he predicted! Change is hard you guys. Any kind of change. Everything from the arrangement of seats in a classroom, to a regular faculty meeting being cancelled, to getting married and moving in with a completely new person.

Please know, that I am completely aware that I am not married. Most of the observations I make will be coming from the readings that I read this week, and the great discussions that I got to be a part of in my class, along with situations that were brought up by newly married individuals in my class. So, if I say something and the thought, "Well that is completely wrong," pops into your head, just remember I am making hard core generalizations in this blog entry.

Going to Brigham Young University - Idaho, I meet a lot of married people. The majority of them have gotten married within the last few years. It is inevitable here! There are married people all over the place! I look at them all, and think about how perfect they all seem. So cute, eating their little picnic lunches together. However, just because they all seem totally perfect on the outside, as a couple, they are going through serious changes - especially if they haven't been married for that long.

First of all, if the couple wasn't going to school at the time of marriage, where are they going to live? Closer to her family, his family, or somewhere different entirely? There are issues of different levels of cleanliness, combining different schedules, diets, and ways of sleeping (I personally worry about this with my future husband, because I like to wrap myself into a tight cocoon... Emily don't share no blankets.)  Those are just a few of the new adjustments. A really huge change would be finances. Are we going to have separate accounts, or joint? How are we going to budget? Is there going to be one person in charge of money, or will it be a shared responsibility? Then there is the dreaded change: the holidays... In my family, my parents were lucky enough to be from the same area. So we would spend Christmas Eve with my Dad's family, and Christmas Morning with my Mom's family. So I have never really watched the struggle between the different sides. However it apparently happens - a lot. I have heard some stories from classmates who tell us that they and their spouse, who have only been married a few months - have been going back and forth about where to go for the holidays. In my opinion, all of these changes are hard to deal with at first - it can especially be crazy-frustrating.

So why get married, right? It sounds like a complete inconvenience. Again I say, Emily doesn't share her blankets.

However, like I have said many times before on this blog, Heavenly Father made men and women to be together. He made us so that we complete the other. These first few months of marriage will be really hard, because both you and your new partner are trying to figure out how to sit in their exact same spot in the classroom, when it just isn't possible anymore. Marriage will change your life forever, and do not think that your first few months or annoyances, frustrations, and changes will be a small part of your marriage. There are plenty of people who went through the same changes you are going through, and are still together today, stronger and even more in love than the day they tied the knot.

I am not telling you, my four readers (including my mother of course), that the first few months of your marriage will be the hardest and once you get past that, it is time for 'happily ever after' to officially start. Trial after trial will occur in your marriage. However, it could be the communication skills you begin to develop within the first year of your marriage that could very well save your marriage as the years and hardships come your way. So don't give up. Work with your spouse. Share what is frustrating you (lovingly of course) and work out a compromise that will make you both happy.

One last thing before I wrap up. Another change that will happen is, when you have your first baby. Roles change and shift that might put a little more pressure on your marriage. The woman might feel like her husband doesn't want to be involved with the baby, and the husband might feel left out in the cold because his wife can't seem to give enough attention to him. Of course each parent loves this babe with all of their hearts, but it can still be a bit of strain on the marriage. So moms - make your husband feel the most involved you can when you are pregnant and teach him what you learn about infant care as you learn. Remember to snuggle with him when the baby goes down for the night for a few minutes before you fall into a deep sleep.  Dads, give your wife some room to breathe, be understanding and let her know that you love her and miss her.  Help out with a few of her chores so she can have a break once in a while. Intimate, quality time between husband and wife is important in a marriage - don't overlook it.

I guess the moral of the story is, is don't be afraid to talk about how you will do certain things once you are married - especially if you are just 'courting' and things are starting to get more and more serious. There can never be enough loving, tactful communication in your marriage. I know I was talking mostly to you newlyweds, but these principles are eternal, and know no age.

Don't give up on your marriage because you hit a few bumps in the road. Talk to each other! Love, compromise and follow Heavenly Father's plan for you, because I guarantee that when you do that - you will not be spared from trials - but He will line your path with wonderful blessings.

Who knows? With the right guy who I love? Maybe Emily will share her blankets.