When I was 16 years old, my Bishop asked me to give a talk to our entire congregation on the Law of Chastity. I love my Bishop - I really do, but really? I was 16! I did not want to get up there in front of the people who I have have known since I was six years old, and give them "the sex talk" - I was pretty sure they all knew sex before marriage is against The Lord's teachings. I didn't feel uncomfortable because I thought the doctrine was wrong, I felt uncomfortable because sex is an awkward topic. Especially for a 16 year old girl who has had less than zero experience with this specific topic. (Honestly, nothing has changed in the last four years...) However, I did it, with as much confidence as an awkward little 16 year old could muster. I obviously made it through alive. This specific blog post is not 100% about 'not having sex before you are married'. At the same time, however, I find myself having to talk about a subject that is hard. I am not sure how easy it will be for me to make light of this subject, because of its importance and sacred nature.
A lot of people think that infidelity only happens when one spouse has sexual relations with someone from outside of their marriage. Although this act is against what Christ teaches us, and it is heart wrenching for the spouse, sex outside of the marriage is not the only form of infidelity. Let's pause and think about what "fidelity" means. I looked up synonyms for this word (you can find them all here) and the many words that stood out to me were, devotion, loyalty, faith and integrity. Fidelity to your spouse is not just being committed to them in the bedroom, but in every single aspect of your lives.
There are different forms of infidelity. One is through thoughts. Now, is it okay to acknowledged another person's good looks? Sure! In my opinion, it is not detrimental to a marriage if one spouse says to the other, "Hey look at that person, they're really cute," and leave it at that. The problem is when you allow yourself to linger on those thoughts. When you fantasize about that person outside of your marriage, wishing you were with them instead of with your spouse - that is a form of infidelity.
Another type of infidelity to be cautious of, is visual. Pornography, ogling the people around you and sexually explicit literature can all be forms of visual infidelity. One problem with pornography and sexual literature is it can give the viewer false thoughts on what their spouse should look and act like. Get ready for a generalization: Men tend to lean toward pornography and women tend to lean toward sexual literature (Romantic Novels). The more pornography a man views, the more conditioned he becomes to believe that sex is something he should get all the time, no matter what. He starts to believe that women are always supposed to have a certain body type and image, that normal women are supposed to be "sexed up" in order to be appealing. Once they start to believe this, they might not find their wife attractive, and could start to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Women are more likely to read "romantic novels" where hot men are kind and considerate to the heroine 100% of the time, filling both her emotional and sexual needs. These women start to become conditioned too, wishing that their husbands were more like the men they read about in their books. Women in pornography, and men in sexual literature are not real. They are all characters, made up so that companies can sell movies, pictures, magazines and books. There is nothing better, than the real thing.
The last form of infidelity (I am sure there are more) I am going to talk about, is romantic infidelity. This one is a little harder to recognize. We are around people all day, everyday. Whether it be at work, school, Church, the play ground with our kids - even on social. Sometimes, we just can't avoid being alone with the opposite sex. I am not saying that humans are animals, and if they are alone they will automatically get physically intimate. However, what I am saying, is that people do talk. What is so harmful about conversion? Well, there is nothing wrong with chatting. "Hey my kid's softball team won the championships!" "Awesome! Tell the little guy congrats!" Not a big deal. However when you cross the line of friendly banter into more intimate conversation, is when you need to tread lightly. It is simply not appropriate to share you personal feelings, dreams, insecurities, and so on, with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse. When you do that with someone else, you make begin to compare how they treat you feelings, with how your spouse treats your feelings, "Why can't my husband listen to me like Joe at the office does..." Then, you begin to develop inappropriate feelings. I am sure some of you are thinking, "Oh please, there is nothing wrong with have opposite-gender friends. I am a woman (or man) of the 21st century, I can control myself!" Think about it this way, would you rather have an intimate friendship, or an intimate, lasting marriage? Never let yourself be alone with someone who is not your spouse. Nothing will happen right off the bat, but the more time and energy you put into that relationship, the less time there will be for your own marriage. I understand that no marriage is perfect, and sometimes we just need to vent to a good friend. However be careful when you choose that friend. Make sure you pick someone who knows and loves you both so that you can get an honest response to your venting.
70% of marriages who have a spouse that has cheated, stay married. Personally, I think that is amazing and I applaud these couples. I have a testimony of the Atonement, and that Christ suffered and died for our sins, so that we can repent and become better human beings. Infidelity - in any form - is so betraying and hard, and it is very hard for me to tell you all that if your spouse cheats on you - forgive right away. I don't think Christ would tell you to do that. If your spouse wants to repent and wants to work on the marriage with Christ in the middle of it, then that might be an indicator that they are really heartbroken over what they have done. My biggest advice - because I know that every situation is 100% different - is that you keep the commandments, you keep your covenants, and you stay loyal to not only your spouse, but to Heavenly Father. One thing I truly believe is that no matter how messy and confusing things get on this earth, Heavenly Father will sort everything out in the Spirit World to give those who follow His commandments and gospel principles every blessing He can.
I have tried with all my other posts, to make them fun, and entertaining (hopefully I have been successful!). I know this post was no fun. I wanted to give this topic the reverence that it deserves, because there are real people out there, hurting at the hand of infidelity.
Be smart with your relationships, the way you spend your time, and try your hardest to make sure that Christ is at the center of your marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment